welcome back. :)

its been a while and i was given a chance come back here, lying on soft bed, with laptop on my abs, breathing singpore's air, in a peaceful home like before. i wouldn't have thought i'd stay there long but here i am again, smile happily. thank God.

lotsa things to catch up indeed. uncountable stories and nightmares i encountered. im totally blank at the very moment i stepped out. like a child was kidnapped by goblins and return back to his playhouse. everything seems abnormal and unusual like im used to. im still in that state, building myself back slowly with exciting experiences. i cant make up my lips what to say. it just so perplexing.

give me some time. feels like im time travelling.

randoms for.. , Tuesday, September 01, 2009.

holy shit i didnt stay awake. eyes really cant take it. i was sleeping while staring the keyboard and when the head went sideways i eventually crave for the smelly bed.

theres it goes another afternoon wasted. woke up at 5pm with gf hit my head with her small-yet-solid-hands made my dreams wasted again. i cant remember exactly what i dream of but it feels like its gonna happen soon. few images still stuck in my head right now something got to do tomorrow morning 'big event'. its like im running away from it or someone get me out. anyway, dream will always be dream. but this round i hope it will really happen.

guess what after diggin all the post. i just pissed off for what actually the blogger is. she just another random makcik kepo who live in stable family just that her parents were divorced and sadly she was a spoilt brat bitch. so im takin back my thank you. i know this is cruel but literally we live in a free world. she is now for the past get what i mean. times are bad. so do the people. what i trying to say is when someone fall into a ditch he will ask for help. share the world how sick he is. but when he able to walk by himself with his long nose stickin up, nothing will stop him from cursing others. human nature. dont fight with me i know how one will feel when his great and how bad he is when his dumb fat slow pussy.

forget bout that. now focus on me. im pleading guilty. help me. less then 30 hours left. im not mentally physically prepare. im acting normal but my heart skips faster. just got to catch up with 2 hangout buddies. both have different view of it. one thought it will not be there long. another felt sorry for it with no comment but with the face..he will be gettin a solitary treat. guys im hiding my feelings. i will make sure i wont take for granted each day. i will make my weaknesses as my strength for my future. im only 21 this year still long way to go. i had enough experience throughout my youth life. this will always be memorable moments. if i have to go long and even further just remember me as your best veteran. learn from me. dont take things easily.

i make the post as my last denote. maybe this wont be long. i dont even have any clue how far it gonna takes. friends, bestfriends, enemies, families and my faithful girlfriend.. last wish please....wait for me.

randoms for.. , Monday, August 31, 2009.

miss me? typical right. haha i just said it. im trying to be like others? dont understand? whatever laa kan. trying to mimic what normally teens did. merepek i know.

back to my post. maybe no one read my blog. or still have a few stalkers around. i purposely dont update this month. because i know not many read it. thanks if you just happen to pass by or accidentally click on my link. i tell you 1st this gonna be long post. maybe. i wish i could.

see.. 1 month isnt it pretty fast? yes i left with 2 days to spend time with all of you. 18 hours and still counting. (i mean yet to sleep.) im forcing myself to stay awake till the day comes. its not a game just that i dont want to waste time of this freedom world before i go. like what my secondary form teacher always mentioned, "capedium". dont get what it means? dear wise, be good i said. it means seize the day. yea make every seconds meaningful.

i know you will be wondering whats up in my mind. some folks said im not in correct state of mind. some will thought im serving ns soon..some haters glad im moving on leave this world hoping this asshole commit suicide or something...and maybe those making fools..im insane going IMH.

well.. im not going to post here where im up to. to those who knows it, if you have real human heart, or maybe you pretend to commiserate towards me, keep to yourself ok darlings. and to those kudos who still searching whats the fuckin reasons im away...just keep searching. the world is round. we live in 21st century.. google. world wide web is everywhere. the world spending millions for everyone to use internet and technologies. i bet you will know one day. trust me. or maybe right after reading this.

firstly, if you know where im going. i may look as if nothing happen. or maybe you see me alone. i act crazy out of sudden. feeling emoshit sit away from you guys. worst, crying when im drunk. (im not ashame cos its not im deliberately attention seeker). frankly.. i feel my heart shrink each day. i couldnt think how im gonna explain. im not mentally prepare. all the worst things in my mind make me thinks that it will happen. im not listening anyone try to scare me what they will do to me. but it just me who believes it will be huge hit. anyway, fuck off. im trying to forget that. i just realise this was like in a movie, the final destination. i can visualise what will happen next. wooo..scary. HAHA.

i really want to draw a blank mind. brainwash everything. i just want something change in my life. i have full list of bad remarks against me. you dont lie i know you hate me somehow. i just realise how wonderful life is. i really need grow out of it. guess i will survive in long run. this really knock me out. it was like wake me up before i fall into hell.

within short period of a month, i met countless walks of lives. i just hope the good ones will be remain as angels and the bad ones will repent as if theres no tomorrow. i remembere once i almost call the cops because my good friends were taking drugs. but something hit me i know they will be good someday. and yes they nice to me. i dont know if they are really nice or maybe they know im leaving. fuck you friends. if you are caught, serve it bitch. you choose the wrong way like i do. ok you are cool if you still hanging around.

i was staring at this 17 inch lcd all night long when suddenly i came across someone blog which really strike me. her post was very daring. she keeps criticising others and somehow i feel offend.
whats pull me in her blog was afterall the bad remarks...unpleasant comments..vulgarities all over... the fact that all this can make someone change his/her life to at least something decent. it doesnt matter if you're on the hook slightest effort make a difference. thanks to all. thanks to that fuckin blog. cant imagine you manage to get away from your enemies. anyway seems i've seen you before thou you have change drastically from fatass.. when i saw this blogger old pics, i remember she was infront of me during my performance years ago. hahahaha. and yea i mean she was really fat bitch.

ok...i think i should get a rest. no no to bed. just some refreshment. 48 hours to go and you think very easy ah?.. determination. i know i can do it.

randoms for.. , Sunday, August 02, 2009.

baby im back here. haahhaa.

stop laughin.. its too late. 1 month is very fast..

randoms for.. , Wednesday, July 29, 2009.

big day.

randoms for.. , Monday, July 27, 2009.

2 more days.

im speechless. i cant sleep. i cant think of anything. stop this.

randoms for.. , Saturday, July 25, 2009.

4 days to go..

im tryin to forget em..forget wat is dream..forget fun. i cant bring em all. because i plan to fail. i fail in everything. i fail in studies. i fail to make my dream come true. i fail the love ones heart. i fail in friendship. i fail.